What is Self Love?

This is a subject that gets talk about a lot but never really defined. I hear people say: “I feel good about myself because….” and they list an accomplishment; but is self love really about accomplishment? What if you have failed? Should you forfeit self love?   Self love can not be dependant on an outcome or accomplishment. Self love is the belief that you have value. As such, everyone in the world must care about you, if they do not, they should not be in your life. When I say care, it could be as simple as asking a homeless person to please stand ten feet away while they talk to you because this makes you comfortable. Not eight or nine feet but ten. If they do not honor this then you do not have to honor their desire to talk to you. Or it could be a serious and a deal breaking discussion you need to have with a boss or mate. They must listen in order to honor you, tuning you out or dismissing you is not an option.   If you have self love you believe you always have value and that value must be honored. When a person does not care about your needs they are saying it is okay not to value you. We chase the world to gain approval and never give it to ourselves. Self love is not selfish or self-centered or egotistical, it is feeling your value and honoring that value […]

No Contest – Alfie Kohn

The Case Against Competition No Contest, which has been stirring up controversy since its publication in 1986, stands as the definitive critique of competition. Drawing from hundreds of studies, Alfie Kohn eloquently argues that our struggle to defeat each other — at work, at school, at play, and at home — turns all of us into losers.   Contrary to the myths with which we have been raised, Kohn shows that competition is not an inevitable part of “human nature.” It does not motivate us to do our best (in fact, the reason our workplaces and schools are in trouble is that they value competitiveness instead of excellence.) Rather than building character, competition sabotages self-esteem and ruins relationships. It even warps recreation by turning the playing field into a battlefield.   No Contest makes a powerful case that “healthy competition” is a contradiction in terms. Because any win/lose arrangement is undesirable, we will have to restructure our institutions for the benefit of ourselves, our children, and our society. For this [1992] revised edition, Kohn adds a comprehensive account of how students can learn more effectively by working cooperatively in the classroom instead of struggling to be Number One. He also offers a pointed and personal afterword, assessing shifts in American thinking on competition and describing reactions to his provocative message.   Take a closer look: http://www.amazon.com/No-Contest-Case-Against-Competition/dp/0395631254